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It should be delightful

Only feelings remain

看過一場電影,忘記劇情,只記得眼淚落下時的溫度;到過一些國家,想不起當地風光明媚,只記得於河畔山裡時的舒心;談過一場戀情,想不起當中的愛恨情仇,只記得手被放開時的空虛。

「伸手接下飄然而下的雪花,握在手心,張開手時,遺留下來的,只有雪花落在手心時的美好感受。」日本國語學家、詩人折口信夫以雪形容詩,似乎也形容了我們生活裡大部份的經驗。經歷之時每一個細節看來都舉足輕重,時間一久了,經歷便化為手裡的一捧水,手一張開,內容都在指縫間流走,連看到臉書每天跳出來的當年今日,都會感到當天的事件面目模糊。

只是,雪留在手心時的美好感受,在不久之後,也只餘下含糊的輪廓,雪化在手裡的冰涼給忘記了、結晶融化時的美麗給忘記了,只能想起那份隱隱約約的「美好」。眼淚落下時的溫度、於河畔山裡時的舒心、手被放開時的空虛,某天醒來,也像經歷的內容般,變得雲淡風輕。一切都模糊以後,記憶裡,恍惚之間,一切都似乎是美好的。應該是美好的。

You may have forgotten the plot of the movie you watched, but you will always remember the temperature of the tears that rolled down your cheeks. You may not remember the scenery of the country you have visited, but you will always remember the tranquility of the mountain and river. You may have left behind the love and hatred of your last relationship, but you will always remember the emptiness when you finally decided to let go.

“I held out my hand to catch the snow and tried to hold it in my palm, but when I opened my palm, all that remained was the dainty feeling of having a snowflake in my hand.” The Japanese ethnologist and poet Shinobu Orikuchi compared poem to snow; this beautiful line also seems to explain a great deal of our every day experience. Everything appears to be tremendously important when we delve into it. However, when time passes by, any experience would turn into a pool of water. Even if you try to hold onto it, water always slips away through your fingers. When Facebook tries to remind you of what happened this day a few years ago, but to you, it has become a faint memory.

The dainty feeling you have in your palms will soon turn vague. The beautiful encounter the palm had with the cold snowflake that slowly melted would be forgotten, afterwards, all that remains is an obscure sense of delight. The temperature of your tears, the tranquility of mountain and river, the emptiness of letting go… they will someday lose their weight like all kinds of experience. They will turn weightless and be blown away by the wind. When everything turns blurry, they appear to be delightful in our memory. It should be delightful.

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