For when I am weak, then am I strong.

Calligraphy by 三三

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三三從前是深水埗藝文空間「合舍」的常駐店員,認識時她剛好接了第一個寫字的商業案子,為電影海報題字。偶爾在街上看到廣告牌上的字就會想:「哦?這應該是三三寫的吧?」有硬筆,也有毛筆字。

從名字開始就讓人好奇,一個人對文字的理解有時會近乎偏執,印象中的她是如此,看她寫的字,會感到一種飄渺,像腳浮到半空,輕飄飄的。仔細看,三三全名中間的「慧」字裡頭,會看見很多個「三」,那是「在差不多抹掉後留下來的六個橫劃」,是為自己而命名。她的字體也有名字 —— 軟弱體。

Sansan (“三三” in Chinese, in which “三” stands for “three”) used to be a regular staff at Form Society, an Art Space in Sham Shui Po district. When Sansan and I first met, it so happened that she took on her first commercial project to calligraph for a movie poster. From then on, whenever I see a billboard with calligraphy on it, I’d wonder, “Maybe this is calligraphed by Sansan?”

Sansan’s name itself is intriguing. As far as I can recall, she is one of those who are very much obsessed with words — to an extent that you might call her bigoted. Her calligraphy gives a light and flowy feeling. If you take a closer look at the second character of her real Chinese name (i.e. “慧”) and remove some strokes and dots from here and there, what remained is the nom de plume, “三三” that she gave to herself. The font she developed also has a name and it’s called “Weak”.

起初有點不解,因為她的字看起來雖然輕柔,卻不叫軟弱。「這來自聖經中的一句金句:『因我什麼時候軟弱,什麼時候就剛強了。』人的真誠若有形像,是軟綿綿的,隱蔽的,無定形的,也就是最容易被傷害的部分 —— 卻同時是最能守護你不被世界擊倒的軸心。軟弱形同一切真誠,矛盾的形態與所發出的力量的強烈對比總是縈繞着我,安放在書寫上,記念這份心志吧。」

原來這才是軟弱的定義,它能乘載於強大之上,如果能向世界展示自己的軟弱,那也是一種強大吧。

I was a little puzzled at first because her calligraphy, though light and flowy, doesn’t look weak at all. “I took inspiration from a verse in the Bible which says, ‘For when I am weak, then am I strong.’ If sincerity is to be materialized and turned into a tangible form, it’d be soft and amorphous. It can hardly be seen and might even look vulnerable, but it has a power within that can make you stay strong even when the world tries to defeat you. Weakness is the same as sincerity, for it also has that vulnerability and power within. It fascinates me a lot, and I want to put these feelings in my calligraphy.”

This is the definition of weakness I reckon: Vulnerable, yet powerful. Being able to show your weakness is indeed a strength.

三三有過一段時間跟隨老師學習毛筆書法,那彷彿是重複一件事的過程,她說,自己是不愛跟著某種既定去書寫的性格。那段隨老師習字的時期,與後來的自己,之間的關係有起了什麼變化嗎?「記得第一次上書法課時,老師說了一句話:寫字最重要的是『神』,沒有『神』,再精美還是會被識穿。」「這句話直接震撼了我,但似懂非懂,到底,甚麼是『神』呢?」

這些不懂,彷彿只要不斷前行就會默默得到解答。「之後一直書寫,愈是想超越之前的自己,卻愈寫愈心虛,沒有心機。後來發覺原來我被『超越』這個想法圈住了。習字似是重複的,原來更是一種領悟變化的過程,切入再微細的部分來演繹字,有形態,也能寬闊地滲進情感。起始是筆拿得直,中鋒書寫;學懂筆直,便打破筆直的規條,加入想像、試驗,嘗試突破。」

Sansan was once a student in a calligraphy class, and the daily practices were merely repetition to her. She is not someone who likes to follow the rules when writing, she said. So what are the differences between now and then, I asked. “I remember that at the first calligraphy class, my teacher said, ‘The most important thing in calligraphy is the “soul”. People can tell whether there is a “soul” in your work.’ Though I was not 100% sure what ‘soul’ means, I was intrigued.”

As her life moves on, the meaning of “soul” becomes more obvious. “After that, I kept writing. I wanted to be better and surpass myself. Eventually I started to feel anxious and lost my spirits. I realized that I was trapped by the idea of surpassing myself. Calligraphy practice, though seemingly repetitious, is actually a process which allows me to witness and understand changes along the way — from dissecting a character, to giving it a form and injecting it with emotions. Chinese calligraphy starts with proper brush-holding and the practice of centred-tip technique. Once you learn how to hold your brush properly, you can then start breaking the rules and bring in your own imagination.”

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剛開始的中鋒筆直,就好像當我們還年幼,青春直接得鋒利,有些義無反顧,橫衝直撞中顧不了是否碰傷了別人,也許還有自己,在往後一點點累積下來的遙遙路上,可能曾被『搓圓撳扁』吧,又慢慢在刮損與圓滑間滑來滑去,但筆尖劃過,還是能割破紙張,一切就像訓練你懂不懂用力。

「『神』是甚麼呢?是一種技巧,也是一種經練。習字時的自己與現在的自己是一種身分交替吧,他們會並存,有時在學習,有時在打破規範。」

Picking up calligraphy as a complete beginner is like living your adolescence years once again. Being all intuitive and fearless. Disregarding the others and even ourselves. As time goes by, the sharp and rough edges would be sanded down. We are able to waltz through the ups and downs. At the end of the day, some roughness might still remain, but it’s now up to you to decide whether to cause someone’s pain with it. As in, whether you want your brush to break the paper, it’s all up to you.

“What is ‘soul’? It’s a technique and also an accumulation of experience. When I practice calligraphy, another self would come up to replace my normal self. These two selves coexist. Sometimes they learn, and sometimes they defy traditional rules.”

後來的她開始書寫自己的柔軟,字跡有時需要再看多遍,才看得懂,而有時,「寫過的字根本無法辨認得到,所思所想卻彷佛覓到了居所,很自然地一直維持下去,字的模樣也長得如此,像夢幻。」

關於寫字是不是要讓別人看懂,這件事她怎樣想?「這個問題有點像問人懂不懂音樂一般,不是多數人會學樂器,但他們倒也會通過樂章的演奏感覺到情感、情緒,並能猜想到結尾音。寫字也像演奏,有濃淡、大小、虛實、乾濕、歷史、或悲喜等交集,看字的人要不要看得懂字,或是他們伸展五官感應字,那就交付到他們的自由意志了。我很喜歡井上有一,與他的習字對象 —— 顏真卿的書法,忘記了字又離不開字的美態。」

Later on, she began to write down her own weakness. For some people, it will take them several attempts to finally understand her writing, and for some others, “the writing is simply unrecognizable. My thoughts seem to have found a home, and they’d just stay there. As natural as it is. My calligraphy is also like that. Like a fantasy.”

I asked her whether calligraphy should be readable and understandable to people, and she said, “It’s a bit like asking people whether they understand music or not. Not everyone can play musical instruments, but all of us can feel the emotions in music and guess what the last note will be. Calligraphy is similar to music in a sense that they both have different depths and scales. There is the juxtaposition of virtual and reality, past and present, sadness and happiness etc. Whether people want to read and understand the characters with their five senses, it’s totally up to them. It’s their free will. I really like Yūichi Inoue and Yan Zhenqing. Their work goes beyond the characters’ form and shape, as if they have forgotten about these things. However, the beauty of the characters always remains.”

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忘記了又離不開。

生活裡斷斷續續積聚了許多斷句,只要一浮現就抄寫,「否則一吹走就散掉了。」
抄寫時連思緒都拉長了,因為「關鍵是深刻,抄寫時彷彿拉長了時間。」

她,是在栽種溫柔吧?像陽光。那什麼時候的陽光呢?

「午前或午後靠近海洋的天色,從海面打上空中的陽光的反映是通透的,像銅鈴的迴響。而且必需要有塵粒,伴隨好些擾攘與缺陷,容許無聊的自己忘記時間,把玩被光與空氣發現的佻皮的塵。」

最後,我好奇她心中的溫柔。

「是殺手Léon(The Professional)獨自在戲院裏看戲看得入神的模樣;是布迪倫與金斯堡在凱魯亞克的墓前朗讀他的詩作的時分;是《浪漫是你的本性》(AMK)尾段的吉他演奏。溫柔好似觸電,通常有一種微妙的互通性,不能單向進行,而且比較怪旦,比較戇直,不過都是透過完全的入迷散發出來。」

噢,如她。

Forgotten but remained.

Life experience transforms into words and sentences in her mind. She has to write them down before they disappear. “Otherwise they will be blown away, just like dust.”

Calligraphy lets her mind roam free. “The act of writing is deeply profound. It warps all sense of time.”

Is she nurturing a gentle heart? Gentleness is like sunshine. Yet I wonder which part of the day this sunshine is coming from.

“The color of the sky near the ocean in the morning or afternoon. The sun glitter on the sea water sparkles like the tinkling sound of a brass bell. And there must be dust particles. They give a sense of disturbance and imperfection. I’d let loose, forget about time, and immerse myself into that time and space.”

Lastly, I asked what gentleness means to her.

“It’s that absorbed look on Léon the professional assassin’s face when he watches a movie alone in the theater in The Professional; the moment when Bob Dylan and Allen Ginsberg read the poems by Jack Kerorau in front of his own grave; and the guitar solo in AMK’s “You are born to be romantic”. Gentleness is like an electric shock. It’s not a one-way thing, but a connection between things. It’s absurd and straightforward. Gentleness is when you are completely absorbed in something.”

Oh. It’s just like her.


More of her works here.

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