九人休旅車在清晨七時從台東的池上平地出發，一直在台灣公路台20線攀升，過了一小時，到了海拔1,885米。
休旅車的司機跟我們說：「到了。」
我們聽到指令，便下車整裝。「這裡哪有登山口？」我們一行十人沿著公路怎麼看也找不到登山口。
熟門熟路的司機指著一個垂直的山坡：「登山口在這裡。」這樣隱蔽的登山口在香港偶然也會遇上，但在台灣熱門的高山路線，實屬少見，這次我們經戒茂斯到嘉明湖，三天兩夜，露宿荒野。我們再次繫緊鞋帶、調整背包，抖擻精神、手執前人準備的繩子，起步，再見文明。
「若在開始時便富有挑戰性，我們才會更慎重前行。」過了些日子，身心總算訓練有數。
Our 9-seater SUV departed from Chishang, Taitung at 7:00 a.m. Slowly, we climbed up along Provincial Highway 20, and eventually reached the altitude of 1,885m an hour later.
“Here we are,” our chauffeur announced.
We got right out of the car and started to prepare for the journey. “Where can we start?” No one from this group of ten could find the trailhead along the highway.
Our chauffeur, who obviously knew his way around, pointed at a vertical hillside. “The entrance is here.” I have come across hidden entrances like that a few times before in Hong Kong, but for such a popular alpine route in Taiwan, it’s definitely rare. For this three-day trip to Jiaming Lake, we’d pass by Jie Maosi and spend two nights sleeping in the wilderness. Once again, we tightened our shoelaces and adjusted our backpacks. Spirits high, we held on tight to the rope and embarked on our journey. Goodbye, civilization.
“A challenging start will keep us cautious for the road ahead.” It took me quite a while to be mentally and physically prepared.
在台灣，背上12公斤重裝，在海拔二、三千米山上生活三、四天，是常見的登山形態，但在平地城市生活的我們，作息跟一般生活在香港的城市人其實沒多大差別，體力跟技術，甚至心靈上都如此的相像，即使山的高度不同，但關於一個人面對的事，總究還是殊途同歸。
我身為這次登山隊中唯一的女生，背包的東西能照顧自己便足夠，因此在十人團隊裡，我的腳程剛好在中間，前面是快速部隊，後面是初次登高山加上背重裝的隊友。已經是12月中，雖然身處海拔二千米高山，但在不斷陡上的斜坡森林，汗水還是會劃過臉頰，我擦過快要滴到下巴的汗水時，視線看到前面隊友的背包越來越小，回頭探看又還沒看到後面隊友的身影。
「再走一下才休息吧，上面好像有緩坡，再一下子就好了。」每一次我都是這樣跟自己對話。有時我會在下一個準備陡斜的平地遇上前面的隊友，他們說加油又再跟我說再見，停下來休息的時候身體很快變冷，於是我等到後面的隊友來了，我便與他們一起再次起步。在高山之中，身體的冷熱可以代替時間，第一天的行程，我以這樣的速度，一個人默默地向營地前進。
In Taiwan, it’s common to see hikers carrying 12kgs of heavy gear on their back going up to the mountains of 2,000m to 3,000m to stay for three to four days; and for those who reside on the ground, they live a life similar to that of the city dwellers’ in Hong Kong — similar physical strengths, skills, and even ways of thinking. Yet at the end of the day, regardless of how high up in the mountain or how low on the ground you live, we all have to deal with similar things.
As the only girl on the team, I was only required to carry what I needed for myself in the backpack. For that reason, I managed to keep my pace and remain in the middle position among the group of ten. In front of me were those who moved fast and those behind were the first-timers with heavy gear. Though it was already mid-December and we were up high at 2000m, sweat was pouring down my face as I climbed up the steep, forested slopes. As I wiped away the sweat dripping down my chin, I could see that the backpacks of my teammates in the front were getting smaller; and when I turned around, I could hardly see anyone behind.
“Keep going for a bit and take a break later. There seems to be a gentle slope up there. Just a bit more to go.” This was how I talked to myself. Sometimes, on the flat land before climbing the next steep slope, I would catch up to my teammates, who would ask me to “hang in there” before saying goodbye. My body cooled down so quickly once I stopped to rest. So I waited for my teammates behind to arrive and together we started to go further uphill. High up in the mountains, body temperature became the manifestation of time. I hiked solemnly to the campsite, at such a speed, on the very first day of the trip.
「謝謝樹，謝謝你保護我，我會加油的。」我累了，在大口喘氣時，雙手環抱著樹，得到依靠；當我踩在樹根與樹根之間，我靠著前人在樹幹留下來的標記，怎不能感謝樹？當時我心靈跟肌肉均全力專心一致地觀察路況，小心前行，良久沒有如此專注。我每次跨上巨大石頭時都必須拉著最近的樹幹而上，「樹，哪有一次沒有在保護我？」我一個人在山上時，說得最多就是「謝謝！」，說出口跟在心裡說，敬意很不一樣，當感謝說出口的那一刻，好像同時也接受了樹給我的回應，得到分來的力量，我又自言自語地跟自己說「我可以的。」拉緊背包又再次陡上。
在這段獨自前進的登山路線之上，讓我感到孤獨。「我們來的時候雖然有父母陪伴，走的時候也有親友送別，成長的過程中更遇到很多好友，後來或有了伴侶、甚至孩子，但孩子也會長大… … 其實我們哪有一刻不是靠著自己的力量孤獨地前進？」抬腿的動作愈來愈困難，背包怎麼愈來愈沉重？孤獨的感覺，沒有好壞，就像登山很消耗體力、很累，但還是有很多登山愛好者，在山上說很累，而不見得討厭登山，那只是一種覺知。好長的一段時間只有孤獨感跟森林樹木一直陪伴我，當我承認了必須獨自面對這件事，並不會立即變得心情輕鬆，但走著走著，休息時回頭去看，原來已經走了很長的路。
“Thank you tree. Thank you for protecting me. I will do my best.” I was tired. As I gasped for breath, I wrapped my arms around a tree and found support within. As I set foot on the tree roots, I spotted the marks left on the tree trunk by hikers from the old days and found my way ahead. How could I not be thankful for trees? My body and soul were all focused on observing the road conditions and I moved ahead carefully. I hadn’t been so focused for a long time. Every time I needed to step on a huge rock, I got strength from holding on tight to the nearest tree trunk. “Trees are always protecting me. Aren’t they?” When I hike alone in the mountains, “Thank you!” is what I say most often. It makes a difference when it comes to saying thank you from your mouth or in your heart; it shows a different level of respect. When I say thank you out loud, it is as if I am getting a response from the tree at the same time and there is strength and power from it. “I can do it,” I said to myself as I pulled my backpack tighter to my body to move uphill.
I felt lonely as I hiked along the path. “Although we had our parents with us when we arrived and will have our friends and family by our side as we leave; and there might even be our partners, or even children, but children will also grow old… After all, aren’t we always moving along all by ourselves?” It got harder and harder to lift my legs. Why is my backpack getting so much heavier? There’s nothing good or bad about loneliness. Just like how hiking can be exhausting and tiring, but there are still so many people attracted to it; they’d complain about feeling tired, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they hate hiking. It’s just a kind of awareness. For quite a while, I was on the road all by myself, with only trees and a sense of loneliness surrounding me. As I finally came to the realization that I have to go through this all alone, though I didn’t feel relieved right away, I understand that I’ve already come a long way.
「戒茂斯」這座山是原住民的獵場，是近年通往「嘉明湖」的新興路線，穿過美若「精靈森林」的戒茂斯，第二天我們走到布農族稱為「月亮的鏡子」(Cidanumas Buan)，位於海拔 3,310米的嘉明湖，當我俯首看著月亮的倒影，想起一句歌詞「夏至秋天的距離，月與倒影的距離」* 配合這刻風景，「人與人之間的距離，或者就是這樣。」獨自攀山的翌日，我深深覺察到，人一生都在獨自努力的「孤獨」，倒沒有一絲淒涼，此時此刻連結自己心中跟地球距離38萬4千4百公里的月亮，讓我拖著疲倦的身軀走向你的倒影，俯首低頭凝視我內心的月亮。
*香港歌曲《Don’t Text Him》Serrini 歌詞
Jie Maosi is a hunting ground of the indigenous peoples and has become an increasingly popular route to those who are headed to Jiaming Lake. Having passed through the forested Jie Maosi, we arrived at Jiaming Lake, which sits high up at 3,310m and is known as the “mirror of the moon” (Cidanumas Buan) to the Bunun people. As I lowered my head to look at the reflection of the moon, I thought of the lyrics that complemented what was before my eyes — “The time between summer and autumn, the distance between the moon and reflection.”* The distance between humans might well be the same, I reckon. After spending almost a day hiking alone, I realized, at the end of the day, we all live solitary lives, and there’s nothing depressing about it. Feeling connected to the moon that is 384,400km away from me, I dragged my exhausted self towards its reflection. I lowered my head to look at the moon within me.
* Don’t Text Him by Serrini
