生活裡難過的事不少，在心裡留下一個又一個的洞，俚語說 “fill the void”，我看着那光洞，想到與其找來事物將心裡的破洞硬生生填滿、縫補，不如由它自然待着，某天總可接收不知從哪裡來的光、愛和快樂，將之填滿。那些早已存在卻未及出現的美好，始終一天會來臨，只要靜待讓宇宙安排。
Recently, I sometimes found a spot of sunlight on my bedding when I woke up. An oval shape of golden spot of light not larger than half of my palm, so shiny, it was the only light in the dark bedroom. The curtains were close tight, so I couldn’t see where it came from. Yet, this light brought me joy in the mornings with its presence. To let it stay, I kept the curtains as it was at night until the light disappeared. One morning I woke early and decided to spend more time on making breakfast. I took the fresh chanterelles I bought yesterday out from the fridge. In golden colour, the wild mushrooms resembled yellow gingko leaves just fallen on the ground. I took a dry brush to cleaned the soil on the mushroom top and cut a small potato into tiny cubes. A creamy, heartwarming soup in just 15 minutes. I held the cup in my hands, drinking the warmth of the unadorned. Returning to my bedroom, I caught the second when the light faded away. Sometimes, the spot of light disappeared after I got washed and dressed. Sometimes, it fell on the pillow or the pile of books that I had finished or not yet finished on the bedside cabinet.
It’s been a long time since I last felt some pure joy
Pure joy felt like sunshine beaming from the bottom of my heart and then immersing me in that warm golden light. At that moment, I felt grateful for everything I had and everything I didn’t have. I wanted nothing. I looked at that spot of sunshine fallen on my bed, it looked like a well, a deep well without a bottom. Gently felt the light with my fingertips, I thought, if I popped into the hole and peeked, I might see a world of beauty.
Life is often fraught with sorrow, leaving hearts with holes. “Fill the void”, people often say, yet looking at the well of light, I thought, instead of filling the voids in one’s heart with whatever he or she finds, perhaps we can also just let them be and wait till the day when the light out of nowhere, love and happiness come for the voids to receive and fill up. The goodness that is long been out there will come at last, as long as we wait and let the universe do the job.
The well of light is small and fleeting, but my universe within is vast.
米糠油 2 湯匙
無鹽牛油 ½ 茶匙
滾水1 1/3 杯
- 小火煮10 分鐘或直至薯仔變軟爛，然後把湯倒入攪拌機內打成幼滑。把湯倒入杯內，放上雞油菌即可。
Chanterelle and Potato Soup
Ingredients (for 1):
Fresh French chanterelle 50g
Hokkaido danshaku potato 85g
Rice bran oil 2 tablespoon
Unsalted butter ½ teaspoon
Boiling water 1 1/3 cup
Salt and black pepper To taste
- Brush away the soil on the chanterelle with a dry brush or kitchen towel. Do not soak the fresh mushrooms.
- Cut away the bottom part of the mushroom stems. Tear them lengthwise into bite-size.
- Peel and cut the potato into small cubes.
- Add the oil to a small pot. After the oil turns hot, sear the chanterelles over medium-high heat. Do not stir or flip the mushrooms. Flip when you smell the fragrance, and the bottom sides of the mushrooms turn golden brown. Take the chanterelles out and set aside.
- Using the same pot with chanterelle oil, add butter, potato and seasonings. Stir fry until the potato cubes turn golden.
- Keep a few pieces of the chanterelle for garnish, add the rest to the pot, and then add water.
- Boil for 10 minutes or until the potato cubes turn mushy, and then pour the soup into a blender. Blend till smooth and creamy, pour it into a cup and add the chanterelle pieces on top. Ready to serve.
It’s raining outside, crisp and bleak. Three chubby sparrows took shelter on my balcony and I gave them the baguette bits left on my breakfast plate but they flew away. I stayed in, played Damien Rice on vinyl and made apple crumble. Repeat.