⟨ Book ⟩

Don’t Shoot The Messenger

Recommended by AlvinCMT

Words & Photography / AlvinCMT
Translation / Ian Tsang

自會考以後,看書就好像成為了例行公事。多了許多目的,諸如為了工作、調查、甚至是一些社會氛圍下的無聲要求。

不喜歡這樣。
而我也很久沒有毫無目的地去看一本書了。

到底怎樣,才是真正的在讀一本書。

回憶起來,
我也曾經很單純地閱讀過文字。投入過那些由文字編織而成,豐富而滋潤的世界。

妳,到底在想些什麼呢?

//2010年11月26日 – 星期五

而我始終感激你,在我的海裡出現。陪我在甲板上俯瞰橫屍地上的燈塔火光、等待一場洪水。等待來不及說再見的情人在浪的邊占出各自的前生。陪我假想有天這一切的影院有天會顛倒。上和下。左和右。內和外。就像撕封太濫情的信,而留住零碎。與我一起,一起忍受影院員工的怨懟。多管閒事的拾荒者。被罰留堂的教徒。農村裡的勘探隊。小巷裡自殺的店主。自我厭惡的金魚。這些你都陪我抱過。以你獨有的方式,以我粗濫的手段,每一天都,與我一起。

我曾禱告。但那穿黑衣的日子你不曾在場。你以為我絕不。其實我曾經。你問我,我只能說。那天好冷。倫敦如是。我穿了黑去看個穿白的人。讓世界達到一月。達到那曾經存在的日月,讓我再好好的,與你離間一遍。好讓之後的日子,我獨自聽他人低吟,卻與你一起、與世界對著幹,而因規律傾軋,單因認罪,而從審判的後門遊開;與你一起,我始終感激,我始終得罪了,整個世界。//

那時候,
我最喜歡看她的博客。
那些情書、甚至是她在夢裡遺留下來的記憶。都因為感情的真摯,而讓我也不知不覺地專心地閱讀了起來。

我很想更了解她的世界。
關於她那些 細膩而神秘的情感,咒語和神話,情書和盟誓,文學、歷史和啟發著我的書抄。

文字築成了一道橋樑。
而我是遊客,走進了妳刻劃出來的風景:那些讓妳感動的,流淚的,啟發著妳的。都是我在妳的文字裡經歷的。

「Don’t Shoot The Messenger」
是 Heath Ledger 遺作中的最後一句台詞。亦是《日頭彌留》這本展覽作品集的英文名稱。
展覽作品圍繞著藝術家 喜歡的書、電影、香港流行曲的歌詞 和 對演員的感情 為靈感去創作,透過作者自身的情感重新將美好的事物與此時此刻的觀眾連繫上來。

那麼,到底怎樣,才是真正的在讀一本書?

//2008年2月13日 – 星期三

她說

要了解一個故事,非得等它寫出來之後,等促使作者寫它的狀況消失之後。尤其在書中他的過去,他的身體,你的面孔,你的嗓音變了樣兒之後,它變得無法挽回、不可避免之後,我還想說:它游離於書之外,被遠遠帶走,與它的作者分開,作者永遠失去它之後。

—— M.D. 《楊.安德烈亞.斯泰奈》

七十歲的時候,她所書寫的眼淚,暗地,和愛情,已經永遠失去,被遠遠帶走,但你知道有些東西不是這麼就離去。

七十歲。一個可以活著也可以死去的年紀。究竟要到甚麼時候,我們才可以書寫那段「事關一場愛情」的沉默難忍。

不寫您全名全姓,我怎麼得到拯救。怎麼得到。//

2017年1月8日 – 星期日

重新去讀 我傾慕過的文字。
或許,我只是一個遊客,不一定能夠在閱讀中獲得拯救。

但徘徊在妳想像的風景四周,至少我能夠依循妳的步伐,去閱讀自己遇到過的每一本書。我的快樂是:我有緣如實地遇上了妳的文字。我的收穫是:我能夠投入地經歷一場讓我快樂過的風景。

這樣,
我就能感受到自己是認真地在讀一本書。
就能感受到自己是在了解一個人、和那些關於妳的有著意義的一切。

書目:《日頭彌留》,何倩彤著。

Since sitting for the university entrance exam, it would seem reading books has become a routine, with many more purposes attached to it, such as work, research, and even silent demands permeating the social atmosphere.

I do not like it that way.
For a very long time, I have not read a book without a purpose in mind.

What does it mean, to read a book for real?

I can recall,
there used to be a time when I read words with a simple mind, when I was absorbed in a rich and nourishing world woven by words.

What are you, I wonder, thinking about?

// November 26, 2010 – Friday

I have always been grateful to you, for your presence in my sea. You accompanied me on the deck, on which we cast our eyes down at the light of fire from the lighthouse lying dead on the ground, awaiting a flood. Awaiting a lover to whom we failed to bid farewell, on the edge of the wave, where we discovered by divination our previous incarnation. Together, we imagined one day when all the cinemas would be overturned. Upside down. Left and right. Inside out. It was like tearing a letter flooded with an excess of emotions, and then keeping the bits and pieces. Together, we endured the resentment from the cinema staff. A nosy scavenger. A religious follower punished with detention. An exploration team in a rural village. A shop owner who committed suicide in the small alley. A self-loathing goldfish. You embraced all these moments together with me. In your own unique way, and in my crude way, each and every day, you stayed together with me.

I once prayed. But you were never there on the days when black was worn. You thought I would never. But in fact I did. You asked me, and I could only tell you. It was freezing that day. In London as well. I wore black to see a person in white. Let the world reach January, reaching the days and months when we once existed, letting me properly alienate myself from you, once again. This way, in the days ahead, on my own, when I listen to others mumbling, I will be with you instead, rebellious against the world. And with order in conflict, by admitting guilty, we swim out from the back door in a trial; together with you, I have been grateful all along; all along, I have offended, the whole world. //

Back then,
There was nothing I liked more than reading her blog.
Those love letters, and even those memories left behind by her dreams. Thanks to her sincere expression of feelings, before I knew it, I started reading,

I want to understand even more about her world.
About those delicate and mysterious emotions, incantations and myths, love letters and oath of alliance, literature, history, and excerpts from books that have inspired me.

Words have built a bridge.
And I am a traveler, walking into the sceneries that you depicted. Those that touched you, moved you to tears, and inspired you. They are all what I went through in your words.

“Don’t Shoot The Messenger”
Is Heath Ledger’s last line in his posthumous work. This is also the English title of this compilation of exhibits.

The works exhibited have been created with books, movies and lyrics of Cantopop songs that the artist likes, as well as her feelings towards the actors, as the main source of inspiration. Through the author’s own feelings, beautiful things have been reconnected with the audience at this moment in time.

So, what does it mean, to read a book for real?

// February 13, 2008 – Wednesday

She said

In order to understand a story, one has to wait until after it has been written, until after the situation that the author has written it has disappeared. In particular, in the book, after his past, his body, your face, and your voice have changed, and after it has become something that cannot be reversed or avoided, I still want to say: it wanders outside of books, being taken away to a place far far away, away from its author, after the author has lost it forever and ever.

—— Yang Andrea Steiner by M.D.

At seventy, the tears she has written down, in secret, disappeared forever, along with love, being taken away to a place far far away, but you know that some things do not slip away just like that.

Seventy years old. An age fit for both living on or passing away. Until when, if I may ask, can we put to words the silence and unbearable suffering in that episode “about a love affair”.

Without writing down your name in full, how can I get salvation. How can I. //

January 8, 2017 – Sunday

Re-reading words and lines that I once adored.
Perhaps, I am only a traveler. I might not be able to find salvation in reading.

However, by lingering around the sceneries in your imagination, at least I can follow your footsteps, and read each and every book upon which I have stumbled. The joy I feel: running into your words in reality. The fruits I reap: being able to put my heart into experiencing the sceneries that once filled me with joy.

This way,
I can feel that I am reading a book seriously.
This way, I can feel that I am understanding a person, as well as everything meaningful about you.

Reading: Don’t Shoot The Messenger by Ho Sin Tung

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AlvinCMT / Graphic Designer 視覺傳意設計師
Instagram: @alvincmt