Back in the room I told my doctor that the new prescription didn’t seem working and how my symptoms worsened. He asked a few questions and decided that it’s my own issue, nothing to do with the diagnosis and medicine. He then chided me for a good while. I sat and listened to his reprimand, and gave a “yea”, “right” and, sporadically, faint grins.
My friend, being in the same room, said afterwards what the doctor said was so out of the line and I should file a complaint. She asked in awe how could I not be mad for all his accusations. “Every terrible thing he said was from his emotion and was for himself. Whoever he was accusing was not me, so, nothing to be mad about. Besides, all he wanted was me to recover soon. I think so.”, I said lightly. What I had in mind was, however, what the doctor had been through for him to make such embarrassing comments to his patient.
What one says reveals his or her inner world and one’s perspective towards the others. Messages encoded in an utterance tell more than words; everything is translated between lines. Of course, I had no clue about what the doctor had been through, but it was probably hard for him. He might too hear the same disturbing judgements. Emotions unprocessed, we live on carrying it. Not letting go, we then live on seeing the world with a filter of delusion, obscuring how we see our real self and the surroundings and taking up the space needed to heal our past. Growing up we learn to be strict on ourselves while forgiving others. Why couldn’t we now be more lenient with ourselves, with the persons who grew up in all sorts of expectations and limitations?
I was not fuming about the perplexing judgements but, still, flabbergasted. I wanted something sweet after I got home. Flour, butter and sugar were pantry staples. With some apples that had been sitting in the kitchen for I don’t know how long, and one of which had a deep wound that was probably caused during picking. Apple crumble it is. This is a simple dessert that only needs the four ingredients mentioned. Use pear, stone fruit or even banana if you do not have apples on hand. Add a dash of cinnamon if you have the spice, a handful of dried fruit if you desire. Topping it with ice cream or custard will simply double the happiness. Dice the apples and give them a quick simmer. Rub the flour, sugar and cold butter together and sprinkle the mixture onto the apples. Stick it into the oven, air-fryer or toaster and bake until the crumbles turn golden. Totally no brainer and very forgiving. In 20 minutes, you have a heartwarming dessert which tastes even merrier on cold days.
I put a spoonful of apple crumble drenched in warm custard into mouth. So sweet. I chewed on the soft apple and crunchy, buttery crumbles. Asomeone who couldn’t sing at all, I couldn’t help but humming broken tunes, and thought “hmm, really no biggie.”
Some food brings me instantly relieve and makes me think that there is nothing in the world I cannot get over with and that “nothing in life really matters that much”. For me, those dishes are pasta Bolognese with a touch of heat (you have to eat it in really big gulps for that comforting effect) and apple crumble fresh from the oven. I hope everyone has found that dish that brings you relief and comfort, freeing up heart space for you to make peace with yourself.
Peel and dice the apples, put them into a saucepan with flour, sugar and cinnamon powder, and mix well. Simmer it with lid on over medium heat for 5 – 8 minutes until the fruit softens a little. Give it a stir occasionally. Add a splash of water if the mixture is too dry.
Dice the cold butter, quickly rub it with flour, sugar and sea salt with your fingertips until it forms a texture that resembles wet sand.
Place the apple in a baking tray and sprinkle the crumble on top. Bake for 20 minutes or until the crumble has turned golden. Serve it with warm custard.
It’s raining outside, crisp and bleak. Three chubby sparrows took shelter on my balcony and I gave them the baguette bits left on my breakfast plate but they flew away. I stayed in, played Damien Rice on vinyl and made apple crumble. Repeat.